My abortion took place on November 27, 1979. I was 16 years old. My baby’s due date would have been June 26, 1980. I named her Billie Joe. She would be 44 this June. I remember only bits and pieces of that day. I learned more details after reading my hospital chart, that I had asked my doctor to obtain for me.
I was put to sleep for the abortion, under a general anesthetic. When I woke up, it was all over. Immediately, I was flooded with pain, grief and sorrow. I cried out for my baby. Very few people knew about my abortion. I buried my secret deep down inside. To numb the guilt and pain after the abortion, I began abusing drugs and alcohol. The remainder of my high school days were a blur and luckily I received my grade 12 diploma.
The next fall, I entered the nursing program; in September 1981. Representatives from a Christian organization, visited our nursing class one day and gave each of us a New Testament bible. It was especially printed for nurses and had nurse on the front cover, printed in gold. I treasured that little bible. On November 27, 1981, which was the second anniversary of my abortion, I gave my life to Jesus. I signed and dated the back page of my little bible under the heading; my decision to receive Christ as my Saviour. My 2 years in the nursing program were tumultuous, but by the grace of God; I passed. I have been nursing the sick and the dying for the past 40 years.
I got married in 1989 and miscarried 5 times. It was at that time that the suppressed abortion came to the surface. I believed God was punishing me for having the abortion. I thought I would never have kids.
Many times I confessed the sin of abortion, but never felt forgiven. Not until this one time when I attended a penitential service in my home church. Like many times before I confessed the sin of abortion and the priest recited the words of Isaiah 49 verses 15 & 16 to me. He spoke to me about the love a mother has for her child and about how God loves me so much more. He told me the Lord would never forget me and has carved me in the palm of His hand. Something in me had changed, after that confession. For the first time in a long time, I felt totally and unconditionally loved and accepted.
As my faith grew over the next several years, so did our family. The Lord blessed my husband and I with 4 amazing children, who are now married and have children of their own. I am Mimi to 10 beautiful grandchildren. My name is Dale Barr. I regret my abortion and will never forget my baby Billie Joe and I will be Silent No More.