My name is Angelina Steenstra and I am the National Coordinator for the Silent No More Awareness Campaign. The abortion of my first child followed a date rape at the age of 15. There is much I will never forget. I have not forgotten the father of the baby or the impact he had on my life. I have forgiven him. I have not forgotten the so-called counselor of the abortion mill. When I told you my fears of losing the love and respect of my family, of having to leave high school, of a hopeless future, you told me that abortion was the obvious solution to my problem. I don’t blame you for the choice I made following that phone call. I have forgiven you.
I will never forget the sights and sounds of the abortion mill, or the excruciating pain that ended my child’s life as I watched her remains fill up a large jar. I left her there, alone, in pieces.
I will never forget the self-loathing that enveloped me when I faced the reality that what I had done, could never be undone. I will never forget how powerless I felt, how certain I was that I would never be able to fix this. I will never forget the self-destructive path I stumbled along as I tried to numb the crushing pain through substance abuse and sexual promiscuity. I will never forget the deep abyss of loneliness and isolation that was my new home, or the feeling of being cut off from God, family and friends.
But, I will also never forget the hopeful experience of turning back toward God and truth through a call I made to a Christian Help line. It started my healing journey. I will never forget the hope I felt when Walter, my husband of 45 years, asked me to marry him. I will never forget the hope I had of having a large family. After 7 years of hoping for a child, I was rushed to Emergency and diagnosed with a ruptured ectopic pregnancy.
I didn’t even know that I was pregnant. Now, I was bleeding internally, and in need of surgery to save my life. The doctor said that the baby would die, if it was not already dead. I was pregnant but could not keep the baby. I will never forget you, dear Joseph Michael, and the gift of clarity you brought me. Your short life and death made me remember the awful days as a teenager, the date rape, the abortion I underwent and the baby I left behind. This baby, Sarah Elizabeth, was no longer the horror of a positive pregnancy test, a problem to be solved, or a “clump of cells” filling a glass jar. Sarah was no longer a “choice”, but a child of God, a human being, my daughter, a person separate from me.
Because of you, Michael, I faced the reality of abortion and, in a way I met Sarah face to face. From then on, I resolved to journey through my grief and regret so that your deaths would not be in vain. Fear gave way to Courage. My children are why, in 2003, I stood here alone to share my testimony. The following year, on May 13th, I was joined by other Mothers for the first gathering of the Silent No More Awareness Campaign. This year marks 20 years since courageous mothers and fathers who lost their children to abortion have joined me here on Parliament Hill to talk about a “choice” that robbed us of our children - the children we will never forget. The only children of my life are not here. Sarah Elizabeth died through surgical abortion, and Joseph Michael because of scar tissue that blocked his journey through my fallopian tube.
I would later learn that I also lost a third child to abortion, in between Sarah and Michael. During the self-destructive aftermath of Sarah’s abortion, I lost a son, Daniel Joseph, through a chemical abortion. I have no living children, and no grandchildren. I continue to have many occasions to regret that when I had the chance to choose Life, I instead succumbed to fear. Pope John Paul II said, “Nothing is definitively lost, the children are with God.” I am certain we will meet again. Until that day comes, I will never forget you and I will never be at a loss for words when a moment calls for me to speak the Truth. I am Silent No More.