It was 1984, I was 21 years old and was engaged to be married. When I found out I was pregnant, my fiancé told me that he was not ready to have a child and told me that I had to have an abortion. He guilted me by saying that I would never be able to raise the baby on my own and my parents would be ashamed of me. He also told me that if I told, he would deny that it was his.
On the day of the abortion, he drove me to the appointment and just dropped me off. I remember walking into the clinic and hearing the abortion protestors that I had alternatives and to please not kill my baby. I walked into the clinic sobbing because I did not want to abort my baby. I wanted him/her so much.
I went through the counseling before the procedure, and they never told me that I had options. I could tell the whole counselling was bogus and it was just something they had to do before performing the abortion. They then led me into a room to change my clothes. I remember thinking that I just wanted to run away from the evil place. When they helped me into place on the table and stirrups, I remember how cold the room was along with the smells and what I saw. It looked like a vacuum cleaner, and I started sobbing hysterically. The only thing the nurse next to me said was to calm down and that it would be over in minutes. No comforting at all.
Then I felt the procedure start and the vacuum start up. I felt like I was a horrible person to do this to my little baby. I kept sobbing through the whole procedure and felt sick because of the smell in the room. Afterwards, I got dressed and was walked into another large room to sit for a while to "recover "from the procedure with several other women. I felt sadness in the room and knew that most of them felt exactly like I did. That I just made the biggest mistake of my life, thus far, when my fiancée picked me up, he suggested going out to dinner. I yelled at him and said "why? To celebrate us murdering our child?" I told him no and to take me home then leave me alone. I just couldn't look at him or anyone else.
I married the father of my baby a month later and put up 14 years of being gaslighted and emotionally abused.
I thankfully had another successful pregnancy in 1986 and gave birth to a beautiful baby boy. I cried tears of joy and thanked God for a second chance to be a mother. The father of my son turned out to be a bad father, He emotionally abused both me and my son and physically abused him several times.
In 2000, I finally got the courage to walk away from my marriage and took my son with me.
To this day, I haven't heard from my ex-husband, and he has nothing to do with my son. My son is almost 38 years old, and I don't regret having him. I just regret the father he had. I have finally told my friends and have opened up about my experience. I feel compelled by God to talk about my experience and maybe stop other women from making the horrible mistake of abortion. I have opened up to everyone on my FaceBook page, have been ridiculed but, I will never be silenced again!