We are here for such a time as this! I’m in awe of God that He has brought me to this place. During a season of deep healing from my abortion in the spring of 2003, I made the commitment to God and my daughter's death, who’s life had been ended because of my uninformed, scared and selfish choice to abort her, would not be in vain. Her life was ended not too many miles away from here, across the bridge at the LoveJoy Clinic. What a name for an abortion clinic – there is no true love or true joy coming from that place. My heart is to speak the truth in love, to share the message of truth, hope, healing and compassion that is available for those hurt by abortion. Through the redemptive blood of Jesus for our sins of abortion we are healed.
We each have our own testimony – but we are united in Christ and we share a unique bond – a sisterhood – at times it seems like we have a language all our own – a language that communicates a unique and remarkable and at times mind blowing experience that only God fully understands. It’s truly a language of love from our Heavenly Father, God.
God desires to have a loving and bonded relationship with each and every one of us.
By God’s grace he has provided countless divine appointments for me since he moved my family, my husband and three children, and me from Oregon to Carson City, Nevada, in 1998. The verses that got me through that time I spoke and meditated on thousands of times was Proverbs 3:5-6 – "Trust in the Lord with all my heart, lean not on my own understanding, in all my ways I will acknowledge Him and He will direct my path." Never in a million years would I have ever thought I would live in Nevada – a state where prostitution was legal! “God how could you be taking us there? I don’t understand!”
We lived in Carson City for four years – as I mentioned before God had many divine appointments. My true awakening of my need to heal from my abortion was in January of 2001. I had shared with one of my pastors my abortion along with another friend from church – we wanted to start an abortion support group for the women of our church. So our wise pastor encouraged us to attend a Beauty for Ashes retreat, similar to Rachel’s Vineyard Retreats.
I should also add that from 1980 until 2001 there were only two conversations I had during that time with anyone about my abortion – my fiance’ who is now my husband of 28 years. He asked me how I was the afternoon of the abortion when he called from Alaska after my friend brought me back home after the abortion to rest. And, the other conversation was with a pastor who was very dear about it, but I’m not sure she really understood the depth of it all.
Okay….back to 2001…the Beauty for Ashes retreat…my friend and I went, totally intending to get training to lead a support group in our church upon our return.
I am so grateful that God knew better. The moment I walked through the doors of the retreat God’s Spirit overtook and bathed me with love, acceptance, forgiveness and healing the entire weekend. It was one of the most profound experiences I have ever had in my life until that point.
We didn’t start the abortion support group at our church, but the two of us shared with other women and at times they would open up. I attended the Beauty For Ashes retreats in 2002 and 2003, each time bringing someone with me to experience healing. The final year, my guest was my husband; what a healing weekend for the two of us, since we had not talked about our child since our abortion in 1980. During those years, God connected me to some amazing women mentors who had previously walked the abortion path. That was also the time I was introduced to Operation Outcry and the Silent No More Awareness Campaign – that’s initially how Silent No More began. Operation Outcry however had a more legal approach to the abortion issue and the founders of both organizations decided to focus on their individual purposes.
To back up just a tad, in the spring of 2002 we moved to the Sacramento, California area where God continued my healing journey to another level. I began to share my story of God’s healing and the first public appointment God gave me was on the steps of the California state capitol representing myself and other women who were Silent No More.
WOW! Afterwards I was approached by the director of the Sacramento Pregnancy Resource Center, who invited me to meet with the director of the Post-Abortion Healing Ministry at the center. And a new leg of this amazing marathon journey began. I was so blessed by the work they were doing. I so wanted to help other women receive the healing I had experienced from abortion. I went through their training, which is required in order to lead other women in the post-abortion Bible study – Forgiven and Set Free –“Healing a Father’s Heart” which is always an available Bible study. I was dumb-founded! It was during that time that I really began to see the tangled web that abortion had created not only in my own life but the world around us.
Trusting my husband was a challenge all those years - especially with parenting - after all he hadn’t protected our first born from her death by abortion. God is healing that in our marriage. Marriage is hard enough at times, but when you add abortion into the equation it’s profoundly impacting. That was the tip of the iceberg…
Mother’s Day had always been difficult for me – and I never really understood why – I had three beautiful children, a wonderful life.but something deep inside me was very unsettled. There were so many truths God began to unfold.
At the end of the Bible study we memorialize our children – we give them names – we take precious time with God in preparation for the memorial service – it’s a precious and tender time for God’s healing.
As a Mother’s Day gift from my husband, we added another stone to my Mother’s ring – an Emerald – to signify the month our daughter, Guiniveire Rose - would have been born – May. With May being Mother’s Day, it more clearly painted the picture for me as to why I experienced such confusion around that time of year.
I’ve since co-led the Forgiven and Set Free Bible study leading other women through healing; creating lifelong friendships unlike any other.