I have suffered from lost motherhood after having 5 abortions over a 20-year span of time. The grief and loss of this repeated wrong decision to abort my living children from the womb was debilitating for many years. Let me share my story with you.....
At 18 yrs. old, headed off to college, I learned of my unplanned pregnancy. The father was not in the picture, estranged from my family, I denied the pregnancy until I was in my second trimester. Saline abortion was my only choice to become "unpregnant." For 3 days, I became a patient on the OB unit of the hospital with no explanation of what to expect. I remember the horrors of delivering my baby who was chemically burned and approximately 4 lbs. in weight, alone in my bed with no support or comfort from the staff. The horrible trauma of this loss left me devastated and a mental mess. Nightmares, homicidal and suicidal thoughts were my new norm.
At ages 20,24, 25,38 I went on to have 4 more surgical abortions further leading to more devastation and ruin to my ability to connect and trust others, severe depression, weight gain, developed unhealthy need to be accepted leading to horrible people pleasing behaviors. These unhealthy choices affected my self-worth and ability to receive love and be a productive person in my community.
But God! Jesus entered into my life one day when I found the courage to push through the crowd at church hoping his promise of love, acceptance, and forgiveness was for a person like me who had 5 abortions over a 20-year period never learning from my mistakes.
This was the love I longed for, the relationship of unconditional love and acceptance I didn't know existed. Over time, Jesus healed my broken heart from lost motherhood and now I am silent no more!