I saw my baby in pieces...

,  United States

I saw my baby in pieces

I looked in the phonebook. My boyfriend, his brother and his brother's girlfriend took me. I had it done 2 days after my 15th birthday. I did not need my mother's consent nor did I have to appear in front of a judge. I felt I had no other way out.

[The abortion was] Horrifying, very painful. I had my hands on my stomach and felt it going up and down. I cried the whole time silently. I then saw my baby in a tube and jar in pieces. I was 12 weeks pregnant. It lasted for 13 minutes. Before the abortion all they ever told me was that I would feel minor cramping and that I had to get it done soon because I was almost 12 weeks pregnant.

I broke up with my boyfriend. I became very bitter. I took drugs and drank a lot. I was extremely promiscuous. My ex boyfriend came down to the bus stop with an empty baby carriage and called me a baby killer and said I was going to go to hell. I also tried suicide.

For 6 1/2 years I blocked it out. I became a Christian 2 1/2 years ago and got married. I went to confession and Jesus is helping me to heal. I also named my baby Anthony and talk to him when I start hurting inside and it helps.

The day I killed my baby 9 years ago is something I think of every day. I will always regret it and long for my baby. I also have had physical problems. I had endometriosis and had surgery for that and now I don't ovulate, so I am on medication. I am afraid to face the fact that the only baby I may have ever conceived I killed.

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