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Latessa Johnson, Regional Cooridinator
North Carolina,
United States
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As one whom had not truly received Jesus Christ as her Lord and Savior, hindsight revealed the circumstances surrounding my pregnancy were quite typical. Basically, I had sex with a guy and the condom broke.
At the time I was 24 years old, engaged to be married and in my second year of graduate school. In addition to committing fornication and adultery, I was drinking heavily, taking Prozac and anti-anxiety medications. I was also fighting off sexual advances from a married co-worker. Despite those misfortunes, most challenging were the resurfacing memories stemming from childhood molestation and incest. Another related issue during that time was my compromised immune system. Although I was taking birth control pills, the antibiotics rendered them ineffective because I had an infection. My hormones were on a roller coaster ride and to exacerbate the situation, taking pills of any kind was difficult because, I tried to kill myself in the ninth grade by taking a bottle of Tylenol tablets.
Nevertheless, I repeated a preventative measure during a pregnancy scare which was taking “the morning after pill” or “Plan B.” At that time, I told the nurse what happened to me and she wrote me another prescription. Despite efforts to prevent conception, people began to comment that I was glowing and I had intense cravings for Chinese food. Subsequently, I began to consider that I might be pregnant.
After viewing the confirmation sign in the window of the pregnancy test, I remember thinking to myself, “Damn.” I do not recall how much time passed before telling the father of “our condition.” When I called him and shared the news, he indicated that he did not believe he was the father. I do not recall any strong feelings other than anger associated with our conversation. I was alone and did not believe that I was competent enough to care for myself or anyone else. The feelings of inadequacy were great.
Then, I shared the news with the most religious friend I knew from the second grade. I vaguely remember her asking me if I had made peace with God about it. My response was, “Yes,” although when thinking about it now, I really did not understand the question. My judgment was way off. Shortly afterward, I started having nightmares of black snakes crawling up inside of my womb and laying eggs. Then, I told my fiance. In return, he told me that he dreamed that I would abort his baby back when we were in undergraduate school. I did not tell him the child was not his and made the appointment to terminate the pregnancy.
My fiance went with me to kill my baby. He even held my hand during the procedure. The doctor told me I would feel lots of pinching, like bad menstrual cramps. Afterward, I went out to the waiting area with the other girls. I remember stating to the nurse that I would not have sex again. She said that many women say that, but, after time you will be sexually active again. Unfortunately, she was right and I became promiscuous. I even had sex again with the father of the child I murdered.
As time went on, I relocated and began to experience demonic oppression of a violent and sexual nature. I was numb, calloused and driven towards my career. My relationships were short-lived and I accepted that I would never marry. After all, I had committed premeditated murder. However, my desires changed after I began to attend church services for all the wrong reasons (One of my students continuously described the attractiveness of the youth pastor). Fortunately, Christ penetrated my sinful heart and saved my soul when I visited! Hallelujah!
Through Christian Biblical teachings, prayer, fasting, participating in healing and deliverance seminars, and witnessing the birth of one of my nephews, I determined there is no need for a medical doctor to tell me life begins even before conception.
Now, I know that I know that all my sins are forgiven. I have experienced tremendous healing and believe that God is not finished with me yet. I have faith that Father God through Jesus Christ will continue to reconcile relationships damaged during my stint with darkness. By faith God wonderfully revealed His merciful majesty, gracious glory, and awesome power to redeem and restore even a once-foolish thing of this world—me. Amen!
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Silent No More Awareness Campaign: Reach Out - Educate - Share
www.silentnomoreawareness.org |
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