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Cynthia
Texas,
United States
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At the age of 18 I found myself pregnant by a man who I thought to be in love with. Upon finding out that I was pregnant, he assured me that he would not be present to help me if I decided to have the child. My parents had already kicked me out of the house and I found myself alone and without hope.
I did not fully know at the time what abortion was or understand the extent of my actions. My boyfriend and the Planned Parenthood staff led me to believe that abortion was my only option, so I complied and I aborted my baby at eight weeks gestation. I cried through the procedure because I felt the great loss as they took my baby. I closed my eyes and waited for it to be over, but the disgust I felt for myself is inexplicable.
After the abortion, I fell into a deep depression. I was riddled with guilt and I left my boyfriend out of resentment and fled to another state to try and start my life over, but the guilt ate me alive. I attempted suicide later that year and then continued a very destructive lifestyle of drug abuse, sexual promiscuity, alcohol abuse, cutting and self-mutilation until I came to the Lord Jesus Christ at the age of 21 right before I was married.
I lost three babies in the beginning of my marriage (one being a full-term still birth) and with every loss I felt it to be retribution for my sin. I lived with the guilt and anguish of my murdered child, but dared not share it with anyone for fear of condemnation and judgment.
The Lord blessed me with two beautiful, healthy children and yet I was still haunted by what I had done and I had great fears in regards to the well being of my children because I believed myself unworthy to be their mother after what I had done. The Lord healed me at an Encounter retreat two years ago, and I have just recently shared my story with two close friends.
And now, I am silent no more.
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Silent No More Awareness Campaign: Reach Out - Educate - Share
www.silentnomoreawareness.org |
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