To move forward

  Penelope
Massachusetts,  United States
 
  I had an abortion because I was pregnant at eighteen.  My mother had me when she was nineteen and counseled me to have an abortion. She loved me and did not regret having me, but because life had been hard for her, she wanted more for me.  After the first one, the next two were easier, in terms of making the decision.  During those procedures, I was terrified and in emotional pain…I think during one, I was falling apart during the procedure. After the abortions I felt empty and alone and very, very guilty.  I knew in the depths of my soul that it was very wrong.  I blocked out a lot of the details.   When I became saved, at the age of 22 (1982), I knew I was forgiven, but I worried about the consequences of my actions.  Would I be "punished"?  I spoke of it very infrequently because of the deep shame I carried around.  The Lord has healed me as I have grown spiritually.  This past Easter season during a "stations of the cross" experience at my church, I actually nailed those abortions to the cross…my savior, Jesus, suffered and died for my sins...all of my sins.  I was able to tell the Lord that I loved my lost children and asked Him to tell them that I loved them.  That was a great, freeing feeling.  I am now ready to move forward in a proactive way to help others.     
   
   
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