On February 25, 2006, I made a decision, a decision that has changed my life forever. I walked out of the abortion clinic dead inside. I was numb and could not feel anymore. I knew that God had seen what I did, I knew I could not hide it from God. Growing up in a Christian home had taught me that. It had also taught me that God could and would forgive me. But to me, I had done the unforgivable, the unthinkable. I felt I wore a scarlet “A” on my forehead. I remember the moment I came to realization of what I did. My daughter was visiting with her Grandparents, and I was home alone. I had walked into her room and saw the rocking chair I held her in so many times. I then realized that I would never rock, hold or kiss my unborn baby in that chair.
For the next four years I descended into a world of anger, shame, guilt, pain and constant longing for my unborn baby. After my abortion I was broken, nightmares came, emotional numbing, depression, flashbacks and anniversary syndrome. I forced myself to be the super mom but, the truth was abortion had interrupted the bonding process with my daughter. It affected every relationship I had. The thing about abortion is, it promises to fix one problem but it delivers you many more. It wasn’t until I hit my lowest that I realized that I could no longer live like I was.
I signed up for the PAST class at the Gainesville Care Center. Through the course of the Bible study I found that God was there. When I had fallen to my knees crying to God to take this pain from me, he had heard me all the while. I did not see it at the time, but God brought His kingdom and He stood by my side. I was never alone. I never fought this fight alone. Today, I am forgiven. Not only forgiven by God but I have also forgiven myself. I have peace, happiness and joy. Things that had not existed before my God healed me.