I don't remember much. My baby would have been 40. My father died the same year. I always think of the baby as a baby girl that I named after my father. I look forward to meeting her in Heaven and telling her how very, very sorry I am.
Thankfully, 15 years later I was able to have a son. We've been through hard times together, but I felt it was my due to put up with trouble as I parented him, sort of to make up for killing his older sister. Maybe he would be so much more successful if he had had her to help guide him. I've asked the Lord for forgiveness, and I have received it. The remaining grief is a gift of decent conscience from God.
I want to help others not to experience the grief and shame I've lived with so long, and to heal from it if they do.