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Young
Alabama,
United States
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I am 65 years old now, but I will never forget that day. I lived in France at the time. Abortion was against the law, so I had to go to Switzerland to get it. When I got to the clinic, I only saw two nurses. You were told to come after 5 pm when the doctors were gone. The nurses caused me to bleed, then they called the doctor on call. They told him I came in bleeding, to make it look like I had tried to do the abortion myself. I never even saw the doctor. I will never forget the pain. When I woke up, I was having contractions like being in labor. Two weeks later, I had to go to an OB/Gyn because I had a bad infection. He had to cauterize my uterus, which he did without anesthesia. I remember screaming, and he told me I was making too much noise.
My little girl, whom I named Cassandra, would have been born in February. How ironic that both my twins and then my last baby were all born in February. They were all boys. I killed my only girl. I often think about her, what she would look like, her personality, and if we would be close. My twins live far away and I only see them every few years. I think about the fact that maybe she would have made me a grandmother. My twins are unmarried and do not want children; my youngest is autistic, has CP and he lives in his own little world.
If I could do it over, I would have kept her. Yes, it would have changed my life, but I know my mother would have helped me. Maybe I would have become a Christian sooner and would not have wasted my 20's. I certainly would have learned years sooner how to live unselfishly. I would have learned sooner the meaning of responsibility. I have been through several seminars on inner healing and though I have forgiven myself, I will never forget what a horrible decision I made at the time, and I will never forget that I killed my little girl, my only girl.
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