Grief

  Louisa
Texas,  United States
 
  I had the abortion because I didn't want my judgmental mother finding out I had gotten pregnant, even though I was 27.  I had only been with my boyfriend for a few months.  I didn't want to stop partying.  I was selfish.

No one at the clinic even acknowledged that I had a life inside of me. It was as if they pretended that abortion was merely birth control, and I'm so sorry I played along. They did not give me enough information about what I was really doing and what the consequences would be like.

I regretted the abortion immediately afterward.  It's been over two years and I think about it every day. I wonder if my child still exists somewhere.  I wonder if he or she knows how much I love them and how sorry I am. Every day I experience incredible remorse. I grieve for the loss of my child.

I'll live with the knowledge that I killed my baby for the rest of my life.  I am so sorry, my precious baby. I am so sorry.

Before the abortion, I was pretty care free. Ever since the abortion, I have struggled with regret and depression.

I'm not ready to forgive myself. I'm worried that if I forgive myself, I'll stop mourning for the loss of my baby. The least I can do is mourn his loss. I don't deserve forgiveness for what I've done.

   
   
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