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Joyce
Pennsylvania,
United States
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I had my first two abortions at age 20. I was a college student with a promising future. As a little girl, I had seen my older brother "forced" into marriage when his girlfriend became pregnant, and I vowed that I would never do "that" to a guy. These first two abortions were four months apart with two different fathers. The first abortion was a nightmare. I remember jerking up and down on the table while the doctor yelled at me to keep still. After both abortions I felt immediate relief. I went about my studies as if nothing had happened.
I eventually married the father of my second aborted child. We had two children together, a boy and a girl. One long-term impact of my abortions was my inability to raise my children properly. Both my children grew up with severe psychological and emotional problems. I know my deep-seated guilt impaired my ability to parent. My husband's as well.
At age 40 I had a third abortion. At this time our son was 15 and was already getting into trouble with the law; our daughter was 11 and in special classes for children with emotional problems. I was not thrilled with becoming pregnant but wanted to continue the pregnancy. At 12 weeks I had an ultrasound and was told that "Your baby has a strong heartbeat." My husband called his mother to tell her the good news. She was adamant that I get an abortion, given the "problem children" we had. My husband and I gave in to her demands. At 14 weeks we legally killed our unborn child.
Alcohol abuse, nightmares, and suicidal thoughts have plagued me ever since. I finally attended a Rachel's Vineyard retreat 12 years after the third abortion. This brought me a tremendous amount of grace and healing.
Four years ago our son died of an accidental drug overdose at age 33. Just today our daughter, who currently is 33, phoned to tell her dad and me that she had her tubes tied today. The pain and tragic legacies of these three abortions is why I am silent no more.
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Silent No More Awareness Campaign: Reach Out - Educate - Share
www.silentnomoreawareness.org |
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