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Tonya
Indiana,
United States
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In 1981, just three short months before high school graduation I found myself pregnant! I had to graduate at all costs and most importantly…my parents could never find out. So, my boyfriend, who was several years older than I, took me to Indianapolis to have an abortion.
Most of what happened at the clinic that day is a blur, except that I was completely focused on what I knew had to be done, like I was running in a grueling race. I knew I had to keep going no matter what toward my goal. No matter my feelings, doubts, or fears, I had to endure to receive my prize of secrecy! No one could ever know about my mistake and life could continue like nothing had happened.
My secret became my greatest source of turmoil. Unable to talk to anyone about my feelings, what began as guilt and shame turned to loneliness and despair. Feelings of unworthiness plagued me for many years. These feelings walked with me through a divorce, a time of drug & alcohol use, and a physically abusive relationship. As the years went by, I developed a loathing or anger toward myself for everything I had done and all the hurt I had caused to those I care about.
I found some hope when I decided to follow Jesus in the late 1980’s and confessed my sins and knew that meant I was forgiven. I found it difficult to walk in this forgiveness as I repented regularly for my secret and continued to hold onto it ever so tightly.
The Lord knew what He was doing when He led me to begin volunteering at our local pregnancy resource center. Before long I was on staff. Then we began training for an abortion recovery program called Forgiven & Set Free. The abortion recovery study had me look right into the eye of my anger and feelings of unworthiness. I realized for the first time I was not just forgiven for my abortion but for the guilt I had been struggling with!
That is why I am Silent No more!
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Silent No More Awareness Campaign: Reach Out - Educate - Share
www.silentnomoreawareness.org |
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