Locked Behind Bars of Guilt and Shame

	Stephanie Indiana, United States

	It was January of 1983, I was 19 years old, running from God, and found myself pregnant. I was born and raised in a Christian home. I was scared to tell my parents that I was pregnant. I was also afraid to tell my boyfriend. When I finally did, he said he had a buddy whose girlfriend had gotten pregnant and they had chosen an abortion, so I felt like that was what he was wanting me to do also. The appointment was set. The clinic explained that it was early in my pregnancy, and I was possibly only a few weeks along. They kept saying that the tissue was not yet developed. There were no alternatives offered, no mention of life, no warnings of possible mental and emotional trauma that could possibly happen after the abortion. During the procedure I remembered the sounds of the tools and the machine. Those sound never left my mind and for years afterwards I cried every time I heard anything that even sounded similar them. I sank into a deep depression afterwards and I felt filthy and angry and began drinking trying to numb the pain and the guilt. I felt like I was trapped inside an abortion prison cell, locked behind the bars of my guilt and my shame. I am so thankful that God pursued me and His Grace overwhelmed me and His forgiveness completely covers my sin. We cannot be ashamed to share what Christ has done for us after all He knows our past and He alone has redeemed it! I am Free to come along side of others who are post abortive who are still locked in their prison cells of shame and regret. I can look in their eyes and say, “I have been where you are, but by the Grace of God and the shed blood of Jesus, YOU can also be Forgiven and Set Free! God isn’t mad at you, God loves you! Jesus died for you, and wants you to accept His gift of Forgiveness! That is why I am silent no more!

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