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Jessica
Tennessee,
United States
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When I had my first abortion, I was told by the child's father that he would take me back if I had the abortion. The clinic was cold, and I remember seeing drops of blood on the floor and hearing women crying in the "recovery" room. As I sat on the table waiting for a nurse, I recall this feeling of "death" and heard sounds like babies crying, which I knew was just in my mind.
I became a heavy drinker after that first abortion.
I started dating a man that was training to become a pastor. We messed up and got pregnant. I was so fearful that he would get kicked out of the ministry that I secretly went and had an abortion. The pain and grief that followed that abortion was even worse than the first.
Our relationship survived the first abortion, and we got married soon after. Five months after being married, we found out that I was pregnant again. We were scared because neither of us had good jobs, and we were struggling to pay bills and hadn't been married very long.
So, on March 27, 2007, I took the RU-486 pill and had the very last abortion. I cried from the moment I swallowed the pill until days after the process was over. I never really healed because I wasn't able to talk about it. I slowly went into a deeper depression, and I became very angry with myself and with my husband, even though it wasn't his fault.
I met a pastor's wife who led me to a "Surrendering the Secret" class. I found forgiveness from God for my horrible acts but never fully forgave myself.
To this very day anxiety, depression, and anger still haunt me. I had a miscarriage caused by the abortions, and finally, after a lot of complications, I was able to have to amazingly beautiful, talented children who are my entire life!
The sad part is that the final abortion caused more hurt, distance, and anger in our marriage. We never truly got counseling and probably never forgave each other for it. On Monday our divorce will be finalized. I know that abortion isn't the only thing that caused the issues in our marriage, BUT it was a deep rooted thorn that eventually tore us apart.
---And That's Why I Am Silent No More!
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Silent No More Awareness Campaign: Reach Out - Educate - Share
www.silentnomoreawareness.org |
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