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Angela
Tennessee,
United States
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In 2001 I was 24 with a two year old when I found out I was 13 weeks pregnant. It all happened so fast. My lifestyle was not great back then. I was with an abusive boyfriend, and there was a possibility the baby could be someone else’s or his. A part of me was afraid another child would interfere with my life.
I remember a friend had told me about her getting an abortion, so I looked up in the phone book and found a place. When I arrived, there were so many girls there. While waiting to go back I talked with others girls there in the waiting room, everyone was just talking and laughing; some had had several abortions.
Before the procedure I sat in a room with a lady who was counseling me. Seeing I was nervous, she kept reassuring me that what I was doing was okay, that I was not making a mistake. She mentioned this over and over again and reminded me that it was not a baby yet. When it was time to go back the doctor never said a word to me. When I turned toward the ultrasound screen the nurse quickly turned it the other way so that I could not see. There was so much tugging and pulling, but I have never forgot that sound. It haunts me still to this day.
After the procedure was over I went into a room with other girls lying on cots. It was so quiet, all these ladies who were previously loud and talking before were now in silence, as if in shock. I could not believe what had just happened. The ride home was quiet and the abortion was never talked about. I pushed it so far back that it was as if it never happened.
Immediately after, I tried so hard to become pregnant, doing everything I could, desperately wanting to have a baby. I know I thought in my mind it would fix what happened or replace the one that was lost. I finally got pregnant with a son. Years went by and I covered up my pain with drinking and pills. I lived 10 years with this secret, never telling anyone. I was living in denial. I had two boys but since the abortion I had such a hard time bonding with my kids, and every time I heard the word abortion I would quickly try to get it out of my head.
Finally in 2011 I called a local pregnancy center and made an appointment to get post abortive counseling and go through a post abortive Bible study. Although I had a child already when I had the abortion it still was so easy for me to believe that it was not a baby. I never saw my baby, so it was easy to believe everything they told me. Going through the healing helped me to see that it was in fact a baby, that it had a heart, fingers, and eyes. I was finally able to grieve a life lost. God has forgiven me and has brought healing in my life, and that is why I am silent no more.
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Silent No More Awareness Campaign: Reach Out - Educate - Share
www.silentnomoreawareness.org |
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