I felt the only way out at the time was to have an abortion,
since I already had a child. This was the beginning of multiple abortions. The
experience was numbing. I felt
ashamed. I suffered depression before
all this, and it just got worst with every abortion. It led me down a road of
promiscuity. I didn’t care about
anything. I kept feeling an urge of
wanting to be pregnant to replace what I've lost.
I get nightmares and flashbacks, and I cry a lot and think
about it every minute of every day. I think, “How can I go on with life with such
a pain that cannot go away?” I cry all
the time, and I have suicidal thoughts, just wanting the pain to go away and wishing
I could just turn back the hands of time and have my babies. I miss and love
them so much I just want them here with me.
I hope God forgives me and so do my children. I know they
are angels with God. Until I meet you some day, I’m going to be doing Rachel's
vineyard soon to try and cope with the devastating effects that abortion had on
my life. I truly hope it helps me to forgive myself and receive God's
forgiveness. Through sharing my story I choose to be silent no more.