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Deanne
California,
United States
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I was 15 years old when I had an abortion. All my friends were having sex, and I thought I should try it. I instantly knew it was a mistake. I asked my boyfriend to stop and, without full penetration, I became pregnant. That experience immediately caused me to break up with my boyfriend. When I became pregnant he said he would be in touch and, of course, never was. Instead, he told others, and one even ridiculed me in a class during high school. I had such shame.
I came from a background of emotional and physical abuse from my father. I knew I would be greatly punished for being pregnant. I felt I had no other options and none were suggested at the clinic I went to. A friend and her boyfriend drove me. I wept the entire way home, and I knew then it was a mistake. It led to a period of promiscuity. I had low self-worth, all the while putting on a facade of strength.
When I married my husband I told him of this situation and that I felt I needed to speak of it. He didn't want me to, probably because he did not want people to know. I was then only able to have one child, and I thought that was further punishment. All this time I felt I was not worthy of a relationship with God because of my great sin.
But God had another plan and began to tug on my heart about eight years ago. I confessed this great sin multiple times to Him and, once it was placed on my heart that I would see my child again and that we would know each other, that gave me great peace.
In the past two years I have begun to share my experience with people without shame. Just this week I confessed this sin to a priest face to face, and he suggested I look into Silent No More. My child would have been 37 this August, the same month that will make me grandmother for the first time, and I will not be silent any more in hopes that I can prevent someone else from making the painful decision I did so many years ago.
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Silent No More Awareness Campaign: Reach Out - Educate - Share
www.silentnomoreawareness.org |
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