I got pregnant at 16. Afraid to tell my parents, the doctor said I should, so a decision could be made. I told them that day. My case was reviewed by a “therapeutic abortion committee” of four doctors. They signed a document on November 20, 1979 that stated “abortion was indicated, as the continuation of pregnancy would or would be likely to endanger the life or health of the patient.” I have a copy. When I try to recall details of my abortion, there are many gaps and unanswered questions. Abortion can cause an array of psychological and emotional disturbances, and amnesia is one of them. I had my abortion Nov. 27th, 1979 at Cornwall General Hospital, under general anaesthesia. Back in my room, still in a fog, I heard the nurse say "it's all over." I felt a profound sense of loss. I was comforted by the presence of my Dad but heartbroken Mom wasn't there. I left the hospital a changed person.
At home, my parents swore me to secrecy. I locked that secret deep down inside for nine years. The only way to keep it from resurfacing was to travel down a road of self destruction - smoking cigarettes, using drugs and drinking excessively. I became promiscuous, drifting from one failed relationship to another. It was an attempt to cover up the immense burden I carried and to numb the pain. In spite of falling grades, I managed to receive my grade 12 diploma and went on to obtain a nursing diploma.
I married at 25 and my husband and I lost 5 babies through miscarriage, a risk associated with abortion. Eventually God blessed us with 4 beautiful children.
I suffered with depression for 30 years. I’ve had troubled relationships, especially with my Mom, who I felt abandoned me the day of the abortion. I wanted to talk to her but the abortion was like “the elephant in the room.” She would not discuss it.
In 2004, through Silent No More, I learned the importance of healing and forgiveness for everyone involved in my abortion decision. I wanted Mom to seek healing but she passed away 10 years ago, and we never had a heart to heart talk.
In 2008 I attended a Rachel’s Vineyard retreat and found deeper healing. I’ve served on the RV team since.
I share my story to reach out to those hurting after abortion, to educate the public about the devastation abortion causes, and to help others avoid the pain of abortion.
My name is Dale Barr, and I will be SILENT NO MORE!