I had an abortion because I was young and in nursing school. I was embarrassed and afraid to tell my parents. The father of the child, who later became my husband, had also just graduated from high school and was about to start college.
During the abortion procedure I felt ashamed and numb. The staff was very indifferent and treated me like I was just a number.
Immediately afterwards I felt great sorrow and regret. I also felt angry with the baby’s father for not trying to stop me from aborting our child. That anger impacted our relationship for the rest of our life together. We went on to marry and had six other children together. I felt I never could express my love for my children the way I should, because of what I had done to their sibling. I always felt I was a bad mother. I had problems with overeating, overspending, and terrible mood swings. I also became very abusive to my children. I felt this was all due to my bad feelings about myself because of my abortion.
I have never gone to a formal healing program, but I did confess my abortion to a priest and receive absolution. That helped me to find some healing.
Abortion is something that impacts the rest of your life and the lives of the people around you. It needs to be talked about, and we need to forgive ourselves, and that is why I am silent no more.