This is terrifying posting this online, as I don't talk about this with anyone.
In the 80's when I was a teen, I had three abortions. I loved God all my life but I didn't realize the gravity (at the time) of the sin I was living in. I pray to God about my past every day of my life, and desperately wish I could go back in time and change the terrible choices I made. I am a devout Christian and very pro-life. I've gone over and over in my mind how I could have led such a sinful life (substance abuse, fornication and abortion).
Looking back, I wish I had more guidance as a child. Growing up without a father,watching my mother struggle raise several children alone, being left with no supervision, being molested as young as age 4, again at age 12, being introduced to drugs and alcohol, and more assaults into my early teens. Call it bad luck, but I suspect these factors may have contributed to me being so lost. I was also much too young to be living with a 21 year old man when I was only 16. Looking back- I can say "Duh". No wonder I ended up in irresponsible situations.
I can live with the dumb mistakes that harmed me. What I struggle with every day of my life, is that I chose to end innocent life. I can blame a bad upbringing, but in the end- it was I who made the decision, and I have to live with myself, and even harder- learn how to forgive myself. I would do anything to go back and stay a virgin until I was married, or to tell my mother (or anyone pro-life/ pro-woman) when I found out I was pregnant. Maybe I would have received the help I needed to carry my child to term and give him/her for adoption. Maybe it would have prevented the following unplanned pregnancies. I would be so much happier having 9 months of pregnancy or 18 years of raising a child than living wit trauma and shame my whole life.
God's love and mercy is all I have and it means EVERYTHING to me. I hope to see my precious babies in heaven someday. I also hope that if anyone is reading this who might be considering aborting- PLEASE don't believe the feminist lies. Please don't put yourself through the pain that I have chosen. Be smart and choose adoption or to keep your child. I know it's scary, but I promise you won't regret it.