I had an abortion because my pregnancy was unplanned and the father of the baby told me we HAD to have an abortion. I didn't think I could do it alone. I didn't think I would have any support from family because I didn't have a close relationship with my family and finances were extremely tight. My past had taught me that men never stay, as I'd never had a father figure who stayed.
During the abortion procedure I experienced a lot of pain. The clinic staff were not helpful or kind and did not act like they cared about me at all. I have vivid memories of the things I saw, heard and smelled that day.
Immediately after the abortion, I felt regret, but also felt a little relief because the crisis was over. I wanted nothing to do with the father of the baby. I wanted to be alone and felt disgusting.
As time went on after the abortion, I stuffed my feelings as deep down as I possibly could. Though it was pushed down deep, it crept up into my relationship. It prevented me from bonding with my oldest living child because I couldn't help but think that I should've already experienced all of the mom things I was experiencing with the baby I aborted. It also put a lot of stress on my marriage, and almost destroyed it. I honestly think I would be divorced today if God had not intervened and brought me healing.
After years of pain, I went through the post-abortion healing program at my local pregnancy resource center. I was able to receive God's forgiveness and forgive both myself and my husband because of the Forgiven and Set Free study. Later, I also went through the Surrendering the Secret study. Today, I finally feel free from the shame and guilt, and that is why I am SILENT NO MORE!