Hello, my name is Bridget, and I’m from Michigan. In November of 1993, at the age of seventeen and a junior in high school I became pregnant. When I told my then boyfriend his immediate response was, “You can’t have it. You need to get rid of it!” So, terrified and concerned about the opinions of others and feeling very alone with no support, I made the choice to abort the 11/11.5 week old baby in my womb. My baby!
As they began to give me the anesthesia I wanted to yell “Stop! Forget it! I changed my mind!” The words didn’t come out. I woke up to the nurse holding my hand and trying to offer me comfort. She told me it was all over and that I did great and now I could move on with my life. I opened my eyes, looked at her, and said, “I killed my baby.” I laid there in tears because of what I had just done. I hated myself for it.
The aftermath of my choice included an inability to trust. I suffer from anxiety, and I struggled to connect and be fully present with those closest to me. I was angry and operated out of fear. That anger and fear bled onto my relationship with my children and my husband. I know that it has ultimately contributed to the downfall of my marriage. I wasn’t able to be what they needed me to be, a good wife and mother.
I found help, hope and forgiveness when a family friend who also happened to be a psychiatrist gave me a copy of a wonderful book called Save One. She also encouraged me to attend a Rachel’s Vineyard Retreat. At the retreat I found God’s mercy and forgiveness and the second time I went I was able to forgive myself. We named our babies, wrote them letters, and held a memorial service to celebrate their short lives.
I know my daughter, whom I named Mary Myles, is in the arms of Jesus. I will see her again one day, and this is why I am silent no more!