It wasn't until I experienced the presence of the Holy Spirit that I even realized I had trauma due to my abortion. When I first came to Christ, I was not even sure if I believed. I started praying every night for him to show me if he was real. One night after I prayed, I was overcome by the most overwhelming sense of love for my now husband and father of my children. I also felt the most overwhelming sense of forgiveness for my abortion specifically.
Instantly, I understood the holy sacrament God has on marriage, and I also knew I could no longer acknowledge my abortion as just a clump of cells. My husband and I were married 1 month after this experience, in the midst of the pandemic, and pregnant with our third child. In regard to my abortion, I knew I had been forgiven but I had not accepted the gift of forgiveness until earlier this year. Our church was doing a "behind the curtain" series and did a sermon on abortion. Initially, I was very excited as I am pro-life now.
Unfortunately, I sat next to someone who could not stop making comments in disgust the entire time bringing up a whole fester of unhealed wounds. After that experience, I almost quit going to church and even talking to my family until one day my dad said he was going to stop over. My stepmom has known about my abortion, so I already knew what he wanted to talk about. When he showed up, I just broke down. To my surprise, he just held me and said, "I've known the whole time, and I just wanted to tell you I love you." In that moment my heavenly father had used my earthly father to free me. My chains were broken.