When I was 18 and a senior in high school, I made some foolish choices that led to me getting pregnant. When my mom found out she became angry and decided that I would have an abortion. I was not allowed to have an opinion about it. I was her kid and lived in her home, and she would not have a pregnant teenaged daughter bringing her shame or embarrassment. That was the only thing that mattered. I was scared, and desperately wanted my mom's love and approval, so I did whatever was necessary to get it.
An appointment was made, and a week later, my parents took me to a women's clinic in another state to have the abortion. Friday, November 11,1989, at 12:05 pm. That day and time changed me forever. A part of me died along with my baby that day. I became angry, bitter, suicidal. I hated everyone around me, but myself most of all.
I started drinking heavily, smoking pot, doing things that were dangerous. I didn't care what happened to me. I wanted to die. I somehow managed to graduate high school. I met my now husband and ended up pregnant almost exactly a year later. I think a part of me wanted to be pregnant. My mom said abortion, but I told her I refused to go through that again. She said if I didn't have one I had to either get married or leave.
I chose marriage. Thankfully my husband is a good man who loves me and loves God. He helped me through a lot of my issues, but only One could truly heal my soul. It took several painful years of emotional struggles and seeing several different counselors before I was able to finally accept God's forgiveness and start healing. It's difficult, but not impossible. I want to help other women find the same healing and forgiveness, that's why I am silent more.