My name is Niki, and this is my testimony. When I was 21, I had a boyfriend and got pregnant. We decided to have the baby, although we were only together for 3 months. He told his sister, who told his mother. His mother thought I was after money and said she would cut him off financially. He changed his mind and told me I should have an abortion. I broke up with him immediately, however, I still chose to have the abortion, even though I had already told my family about the pregnancy. At that time, abortion was only legal in Alberta up to 3 months. I went to a planned parenthood clinic, and they supported my excuses of financial hardship and unpreparedness. We then made an appointment for the abortion at the hospital. I was already a heavy drinker then, so I rushed the decision and aborted my child. I lied to my family and said I had a miscarriage.
My alcoholism spiraled, I worked in a bar and drank from morning till evening. I previously was a virgin until 20, and I got drunk and slept with many men. I was drunk daily and would take any drug I was offered. I got pregnant again, about a year later, a one-night stand.
Shamefully, I had a second abortion. I allowed myself to believe the lie, that the baby was not yet a soul, a child. My alcoholism was out of control, I lived with no shame, I don't think I cared whether I lived or died. I got pregnant again. I took the life of my 3rd child too. I have a poor recollection of this because I blacked out regularly, and in my shame, blocked it from my thoughts. It took me years to tell family members that I had lied about having a miscarriage at 21.
At 50 my alcoholism and drug abuse were still going strong. My soul searched for God. I had signs that led me to pray for help. The Savior Jesus Christ answered me. I repented to the Savior, and by the Grace of God have been forgiven. The Holy Spirit of God convicted me of my sin. I was finally admitting what I had done, not only to God, to myself. I had taken the lives of three of my unborn children, their souls were present at conception, and I was supposed to nurture them.
The shame was and is overwhelming. Thanks to the Grace and Mercy of God, the Lord Jesus paid on the Cross for my sin and has forgiven me. The secret and burden of that sin is now lifted off my shoulders and I am alcohol and drug free for the first time since 12. I have still to come clean with my family, but I am confessing now. I owe God for giving me my life back, understand I was born a sinner, the Lord forgives ALL, in Love and Mercy. I hope my story can save another woman from making the same mistakes I did. If you become pregnant, don't believe the lie, life begins at conception, and that's why I am silent no more! My love and prayers to you all, God Bless.