I had nine abortions in 13 years, beginning when I was 16.
When I was 14 and had begun my rebellious phase, my mother warned me that if I ever came home pregnant, I would be out on the street alone, trying to care for a baby. At 16, I wasn't equipped to protect my child, so I went to a hospital and aborted my first child. No one in my family stopped me.
Very soon after this abortion, everything grew dark. My family life fell apart. I fell into despair and depression and continued hanging out with the wrong people. I received no healing from this first abortion, so I continued the same cycle of evil, over and over, until I was 29 years old.
I learned nothing from the first abortion and continued looking for love in the form of sexual relationships. Every time I got pregnant, I heard my mother’s warning from when I was 14. I thought I was protecting myself by having abortions. The fathers of the children didn't help much with the decisions. The first two fathers were too young. One was too invested in his education and wanted to finish school before he started a family. After three abortions with the university student, I turned to heavy drinking and occasional drug use. Each time I got pregnant after that, I was so messed up on substances that I thought I had already damaged my child.
I couldn't stop this demonic cycle. I couldn't stop the alcohol and drug abuse. I couldn't stop the suicide attempts. I couldn’t protect my children.
After the last abortion, I was just a shell of who I was. I tried to ease the pain with alcohol and drugs for a decade and a half after that. Just a few years ago, I moved back to Nova Scotia, where I was born and much to my surprise, found Jesus and his abundant mercy. He eventually led me to a healing ministry in Halifax named Project Rachel and this changed everything for me. I finally saw some hope and light after so many years of darkness. I was forgiven and I have children waiting in heaven to meet me. I am a facilitator for the same healing ministry that changed my life. I speak out against the evils of abortion in hope that no one will see what I have seen, or been through what I have been through.
Every one of my children was a gift from God but instead of protection, I offered them only rejection. Every baby deserves protection at conception and spreading that message has helped me to become Silent No More.