Ten years ago, when I was buying maternity clothes and taking prenatal vitamins, I was pressured into having an abortion.

On that dreadful day, I was desperate for pro-lifers to rescue us, but to my horror, they were not allowed near the building. They stood silently, as my boyfriend and I whizzed by.

I was promised counseling, but was met with the chilling reality that this was not to be true counseling, as my expression of doubt was ignored. The “counselor” was clearly in a rush to get my baby aborted. I asked the doctor if there was an increased risk of breast cancer with abortions. He smiled, and said, “No.”

Then, everything went black.

When I was a little girl and had cut my finger on my daddy’s razor, I didn’t cry. I knew I had not listened to daddy when he said, “Don’t touch.” Likewise, when I awakened in a room full of strangers, feeling fragile and alone, after having my VERY OWN BABY ripped apart from within my womb…I did not cry…for I knew that I had not listened to my Father when He said, “Thou shalt not kill.”

It was five years before I would answer the call to attend a Project Rachel retreat. That is where my healing began…but it was ten years until I could receive God’s forgiveness and forgive myself.

God has blessed me with a wonderful husband. When we were dating, I discussed my abortion with him. His response was this: “I wish you had had the baby, because I would have taken care of both of you.”

We can never know what God has planned for our lives or for anyone else’s.