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Missing Part of Myself
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Merrie
North Carolina,
United States
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I got pregnant when my relationship with the father was falling apart. My pregnancy did not bring us back together. I called everyone to tell them and to hear their reaction. When I finally reached my parents (who had been on vacation) they told me that I wouldn't be able to give up the child for adoption and were concerned that I couldn't be a good single parent while in the Army. They felt that abortion was my best option.
My biggest regret is that when the nurse told the doctor that she thought I had changed my mind, I told her I hadn't and allowed the abortion to continue. Afterwards it was like a piece of myself was missing. No one wanted to talk about it, so I kept crying out for attention in other ways. Promiscuity was one side effect of the abortion until I realized that it was taking me down and decided to write off men altogether for the time being.
That was when God put my husband in my life. We married 38 years ago only one week after meeting each other. He knew about the abortion before we married and told me he would have loved any child of mine. That increased my guilt but also helped me bear the burden.
Many years later, after the death of my father in 1997, I cried out to God and told Him I couldn't handle this anymore. I needed Him and His forgiveness. I felt as though I was being wrapped in His arms.
Since that time I have slowly begun to speak up when abortion is mentioned but only alluding to the fact that I may have had one. God has forgiven me through the blood of Jesus Christ. Now I realize that I must speak for those who still cannot and will be silent no more.
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