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Testimonies
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Forever Thankful
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Janice
Oregon,
United States
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My parents divorced when I was seventeen in 1974. I was running through my life as fast as I could, not wanting to be unhappy. I just wanted to do what I wanted and have fun.
I had a miscarriage at the age of 20 (1977), and I was devastated but wasn't given any counseling at that time. I went on with my life. I had my first abortion (1982) at the age of 25 because I was very angry at my husband and wanted to hurt him. I never even thought about the baby, and I can honestly say I didn't feel anything but relief at the time after I had killed him/her. I really can't recall much of the abortion itself, although it seems like it took about two seconds. I vaguely remember people standing around outside (pro-life?) I had two children and they were enough for me at that time.
After my marriage ended (no surprise there), I began a sexually abusive relationship with an older married man who dominated me (again, no surprise). When I became pregnant he "helped" me make the decision to kill my baby. Again, I felt nothing but relief as my heart was made of stone, and I did not know what the effects were on women who have abortions. I went to the same mill as the first time. Again, I have no real memories other than it went by quickly. As a side note, this abortion mill closed a few years later!
After this relationship ended, I began a great job which helped me be independent financially so I could have fun again. I was promiscuous and, when I became pregnant again, I was afraid I would lose my job, so I killed this baby too. I had a friend drive outside the city to the mill and that time I was given a shot of Morphine just before the abortion so my memories are not clear.
About six months later I began a relationship with a man I worked with and, when I became pregnant, I went to him and told him I couldn't have another abortion. He was supportive as he had been the father of an aborted baby in high school, and we both believed this baby would redeem us. We eventually married, had another baby, but sadly our marriage ended as neither one of us knew the forgiveness of the Lord. I remarried and divorced again (is there a pattern here?)
In 1996 I had a skiing accident and was faced with the reality of losing everything. I started attending church, but I didn't know what I was doing. The Lord was calling me out of the muck and mire of my life. In January of 1997, I was forgiven of my sins, past, present, and future. There is no doubt in my mind much of my behavior after my abortions can be traced directly to me trying to erase the pain of what I had done. I had heard an advertisement on the radio about the PRC, and I knew I wanted to counsel other women before they made a decision. I don't know if there were any PRCs back then, but I certainly did not receive any counseling from the abortion mill.
When I contacted the PRC I was told I needed to go through Healing Hearts before I could counsel other women. It was wonderful, because, while I had been forgiven of my sins, I did not really understand what I had been through and how those three abortions had affected my life. I was a counselor for about three years, and it was a humbling and blessed experience, and I am forever thankful to the PRC for giving me the tools to speak out for the unborn and that's why I am silent no more.
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