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Never the Answer
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Michele
New Mexico,
United States
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The most important thing about abortion I think all people, but especially women, need to know is abortion hurts women. It is never the answer to any question. We as a society like to say “my body, my choice.” A choice involves several options to choose from to come to a decision. An abortion is not a choice, it is an option. What society so terribly fails at is making all options available to women who find themselves with a surprise or untimely pregnancy. The second way society fails miserably is in incompletely informing women of the consequences of each of these options.
My name is Michele. I had an abortion when I was sixteen and have paid dearly each day since that day in May when I willingly entered a clinic to abort my baby girl.
I was a product of my society. I bought into that it is a blob of cells. That no one will know and that once the procedure was over life would go on. And, on that day, that procedure meant nothing. For a great many years this seemed to be true. I seldom thought about that day or that procedure. At least not consciously. I drank, I did drugs, I was promiscuous, I was angry, I couldn’t bond to my children like other moms or to my husband, I overate, and I became a workaholic.
God had to bring me to my knees and knock the wind out of me to get me to hear His voice and understand that all of these things stemmed from that horrible day in May. My first husband, who was the father of that child and a participant in the decision and procedure, ended his life by his own hands. I will never know what, if any, part of that day played a part in his decision to kill himself. I do not remember much about the procedure itself but I remember we went to a nice dinner afterwards and I couldn’t eat or enjoy that evening. I remember being in pain and just wanting to go to sleep.
In 2003, once God had me on my knees, He worked hard at me for five years to get me to understand how all of this was related. From that I learned that to heal I had to learn to forgive myself and accept God’s love and forgiveness. A big part if this was learning to not be ashamed, not to be afraid, and to learn to speak out and be healed by sharing my story and helping others. I started by attending a Project Rachel Retreat and am now enrolled to participate in a Rachel Vineyard Retreat this October. It has been a long process, but I have forgiven myself and feel God’s love and support each and every day of my life. This is why I am Silent No More!
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