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Testimonies
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Unbearable
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Shelley
Michigan,
United States
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I am not the generation that legalized abortion- I am the generation that had easy access to it. In my heart I knew it was evil, but since it was legal, I went forward with planning it. The appointment was easy to set up, with minimal questions. There was no talk of adoption, any counseling, or chance to meet the doctor that would perform the abortion. The only choice offered was payment by cash or credit card. I had an ultrasound, but I was not allowed to look at the screen. I wonder if I had seen my baby’s heartbeat, would it have given me the courage to leap off that table and run far away from that place of death?
I cannot remember any more specific details of my abortion. I was sedated, and I believe the only way I could cope with this traumatic experience was to completely close my mind to the memory. I can't even remember the exact date of my abortion.
After the abortion, I thought I would be able to move on with my life, and never look back. But everyone looks back. Some can't stop looking, and some only take a peek now and then...but eventually...we all get honest and look back at the truth of what really happened.
Time gave me clarity to see the truth in this matter; Abortion was a selfish choice. Adoption would have been logical and merciful to both my child and myself, but I could not go back and change it. I became paralyzed with sorrow for what I had done. I felt hollow and unworthy of happiness in life. I constantly wondered, “What if I hadn't rushed to into such a final decision?”
The guilt and shame was unbearable. I prayed for help, and God answered. He brought me post abortive women and men that had courage to tell their story. I was not alone. There was hope for my future. Through God's mercy and forgiveness, I was able to start healing. I have gone through post abortion healing groups, and had beautiful memorial services to acknowledge the dignity of my child's life. It is healthy and normal to grieve the loss of aborted children because God created us to love our children, not to pick and choose which ones will live. Some of my family and friends may be hearing about my abortion for the first time, but I hope through my testimony, they will be able to understand why I am SILENT NO MORE.
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