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Testimonies
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So Many Need Healing
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Melinda
Ohio,
United States
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When I was nineteen years old and just freshly out of high school, I had an abortion. I was involved in an on again, off again relationship with a very abusive man seven years my senior. During one of the "off again” periods of our relationship, I had a one-night stand. During an "on again" season of our relationship, I accompanied him to a Christmas party at his sister's house. I drank too much and was given a place to lie down and sleep it off. I was awakened to his sister's husband lying on top of me. To this very day, I do not know if he actually succeeded in raping me. There is no doubt that the desire to rape me was in his heart and in his mind.
Subsequently I found myself in a crisis pregnancy. At this point it was “off again” with the abusive boyfriend. I had already moved to CA to live with my grandparents in order to put as much distance between the boyfriend and me. I did not realize yet that I was pregnant. A month or so has passed, and my grandmother confronted me about not having had a period yet since I'd been there with them. I broke down, finally, crying and telling them my story. I altered my story. I omitted the one night stand and led them to believe that I was for sure raped by the brother-in-law, so as to hide my promiscuity. I don't honestly remember who said the abortion word first, but I do remember making the decision on my own. In my mind, an abortion was the answer to the entire situation.
I remember next to nothing about the abortion experience. I was put to sleep because I was so far along. I vaguely recall coming out of the anesthesia and feeling completely relieved. I swore my grandparents to secrecy and moved forward with my life. I took my abortion and stuffed it way down inside. Then I covered it with food, alcohol, drugs and business for the next 32 years, never allowing myself to "go there" in my mind.
Eleven years ago I made the decision to trust Christ as the forgiver of my sins and the leader of my life. It was the best decision ever. Although I had accepted forgiveness for my past sins, I didn't "feel" forgiven for that abortion. Seven years ago my church (New Point Community Church) had a missions fair. PSC Pregnancy Support Center) was at this missions fair, and I was drawn to it like a moth to a flame. I got contact information and began communications with them. I wanted to volunteer there, but my schedule never would allow for the two week training classes, until this past October 2014. I finally made it to complete the volunteer training and got busy helping other women. My plan was to help other women to choose life for their babies, since I had experienced the agony of abortion.
Midway through the training, a lady began to speak on abortion and how she had two of them. She mentioned how she had found healing and had written a book for other women to receive healing. I remember thinking to myself, “Well, I had an abortion, maybe I should take this class." Immediately I thought, “Oh, not now, I just want to get busy helping other women." I no sooner had that thought when the next sentence out of her mouth was, "Oh, by the way, if you have had an abortion, this class is mandatory for you to take before you can start volunteering." Time stood still for me in that moment. I realized that God had ever so gently led me right to healing for an abortion that I never would recognize. Thank You, Jesus!
I took the 13 week course just this past Jan 2015, and it has transformed my life incredibly! It is almost difficult to articulate, but I will try. I did not even know that I was so angry and that my abortion had shaped every single facet of my life or the last 32 years. It was a “thing” between me and God. Now I feel this free! It's as if I am that young 19-year old girl ago WITHOUT the pain and shame of abortion!
God has shown me that His plan for me is not to save babies but to be a freedom fighter for all the post-abortive women out there that need this healing so desperately. Through this healing He has shown me that my baby is a boy and that his name is Samuel Lee, that he is with the Lord, and it's ALL good. I will be silent no more after 32 years. The healing has changed my entire life and relationships. There are so many women yet who need healing and so many babies in heaven that need a name.
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