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Aftermath
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Rhonda
North Carolina,
United States
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In 1981, during my sophomore year in college, I started dating a young man whom I will call Sam. When my mother saw that this relationship was serious, she warned us, “If she gets pregnant, you’re going to marry her.” We said okay but at the same time we were thinking, “No one is going to get pregnant.” I was planning to get back on birth control pills to ensure I would not get pregnant. However, I had put off going to the doctor and within a few months after that conversation with my mother, I found out that I was pregnant. Although my mother’s words were in my mind, Sam had another plan. He suggested, “Get an abortion.”
He explained to me that he had a friend whose girlfriend had gotten an abortion and stated, “She is okay so that is what we will do.” The thought that “I would be killing my baby” never came up as I agreed to go along with the plan to have the abortion. I had convinced myself that it was not a baby yet. I did not tell my mother I was pregnant because I did not want her to be disappointed in me, as she expected me to finish college. So, Sam and I skipped class on a Friday and drove up to Atlanta and had the procedure done. I did not receive any medication for the abortion because I was told that it would feel almost like menstrual cramps. I was used to that kind of pain every month and, besides, we did not have extra money to pay for medication. The pain was definitely MUCH more than monthly menstrual cramps.
My initial feelings after the abortion were that of relief - no more morning sickness and no more trying to fake feeling fine during class and in front of my friends. Not long after that however, I remember sitting on the edge of my bed with tears in my eyes saying, “I killed MY baby!” I immediately told myself, “Suck it up, you chose this, now go on with your life.” It was in that moment I decided not to grieve for the loss of that child. Because I did not want to go through this experience again, I made it to doctor’s office and got back on the pill.
In December of 1983 while in nursing school, I was desperate for a change in my life so I asked my mother, “How can you live saved and have a boyfriend?” She simply said, “Rhonda, if you want to do it, you can,” and then she gave me a spiritual tract. I read it and the scripture in Mark 8:36-37 ministered to my heart and convicted me: “What does it profit a man if he should gain the whole world and lose his soul; or what shall a man give in exchange for his soul.” I surrendered my life to Jesus Christ and with that, I told Sam I had made a decision to no longer engage in sex before marriage. We began to grow apart as I pursued my relationship with the Lord. Three years after my abortion experience, the relationship with Sam ended. Although I chose to end the relationship, it was still a very painful decision to make. I also felt that this man (Sam) would always have a special place in my heart even though we were no longer together.
For the next five years following my abortion experience, thoughts of what I had done were always on my mind. I remember telling only the four closest people in my life about that experience but whenever I would meet new people, I wondered if they would like me if they knew I had chosen to have an abortion. Those thoughts of having made the decision to kill my baby were always with me even though I knew Jesus had forgiven me. I believed the words of 1 John 1:9, “If we confess our sins He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness", yet these disturbing thoughts of the abortion came on a daily basis whenever my mind was not preoccupied with school, work, etc.
It wasn’t until 1986 when my Pastor asked that life-changing question at my pre-marital counseling session that I received the initial emotional healing from the affects of the abortion experience. Prompted by the Holy Spirit, my Pastor asked, “Have you ever had an abortion?” In that instance, I was taken back in my mind to the time I had a follow up appointment at the health department following the abortion. I lied on that questionnaire about not having an abortion but said yes to having had a miscarriage. The doctor actually caught me in the lie, and I felt so small! It was at that point I vowed to myself that if ever asked the question again I would tell the truth. So with courage I answered “Yes” to my Pastor’s question.
He then prayed for me, breaking the soul ties with those whom I had been involved with sexually. He also addressed the rejection of Sam not marrying me (which I had no idea was an issue until I sat there crying with deep, gut-wrenching sobs and trembling, shivering as if I had chills). I wailed with deep grief saying, “He said he was gonna marry me!” That response came from the depths of my soul as the guilt, pain, and shame of the abortion experience were released. When I left the counseling session I knew I was free. I not only felt lighter as if a weight had been lifted from me, Sam no longer held that special place in my heart. As I was leaving the church that night, I heard God speak in my spirit, “This will be used as ministry one day.”
In 1996 while living in Sacramento, CA, I went through a 13-week PACE (Post Abortion Counseling and Education) Bible study held at a crisis pregnancy center. God used this Bible study to show me how abortion had affected different areas and aspects of my life as a wife and mother in particular. I was also given the opportunity to grieve for my child lost through abortion. As another level of healing was gained, I am now free to serve Christ without shame or reservation in the cause of sanctity of human life. It was in this season God gave me the name AFTERMATH Ministries, for what He had birthed in me as a means of leading others to find freedom from the emotional pain of abortion.
AFTERMATH stands for Allowing Father-God To Eradicate & Reconcile Memories of Abortion Thus Healing. The scripture He gave to confirm the supporting nature of the ministry is 2 Corinthians 1:3-4, which is now the theme verse for AFTERMATH Ministries. Over the course of the next nine years, the ministry would evolve into a 7-week Bible study targeting specific emotions that many post abortion people experience. I held my first class in March of 2005 while living in Okinawa, Japan.
As I partner with Father God in this life-affirming work according to Isaiah 61 and Luke 7:48, 50 - His Spirit is upon me. He has appointed and anointed me to bring the good news of healing to those made “poor” by abortion’s aftermath. In June 2014, God also graced me to write and publish a book about His healing power from the pain of abortion. The book is titled, From a Mess to a Message: The AFTERMATH of Abortion.
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