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Testimonies
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Feeling the Loss
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Luz
Washington,
United States
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I had my abortion in Puerto Rico when I was twenty five years old.
I had divorced my husband, and my grandmother had just died from diabetes. She kept me grounded and, when she died, I just sort of fell to pieces. To get away from my abusive husband I became an exotic dancer and ended up getting pregnant. I didn't have a place to raise my child. I was afraid to have my mother raise her. She was an alcoholic and drank when she was pregnant with me.
The clinic I went to was nice, but I felt the evil there. I saw the body parts of my aborted child. I never really believed in abortion. I had been raised Catholic and even went to Catholic school. And so getting the abortion was against what I believed in my heart, but my husband had already given my first child to a sister to raise. Maybe, I could not bear losing another child raised by someone else. I was homeless with no way to raise a child.
After the abortion, I instantly felt the loss. I didn't care about anything anymore. I ended up working as a stripper, drank, and did drugs. I have dreamt about seeing the eye of the child looking at me and screamed in my dreams, but no sound came out of my mouth. I became suicidal. I kept seeing in my head the body parts, the raw meat, the muscle of the baby.
I am so sorry for what I did to my child and have told my child how sorry I am. I am so grateful for the healing I got at Rachel's Vineyard.
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