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Testimonies
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Never Covered in Shame
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Kim
Florida,
United States
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Hello and welcome to Silent No More – Tampa.
My journey to this ministry was 30 years in the making. I became pregnant as a 17-year-old girl. I was selfish, immature, and scared that my dad was going to be angry with me. I did not see my pregnancy as a child but rather as a problem to be fixed. My boyfriend, who was 19, did not want me to have an abortion. In fact, he wanted us to get married and start a family, just like his parents had done at that age. But again I was selfish and scared and said no. I did not want to have a baby or be married to him.
The day of my abortion—August 4, 1987 – I went to Ocala with one of my friends (who had already had an abortion) and ended the life of my child. I sought no adult counsel, and I never told my parents or aunts or uncles. I don’t remember receiving any counsel at the clinic either, but I don’t remember much of that day. Immediately I knew I was doing something wrong, but there was a sense of relief that my “problem” had been solved. My boyfriend and I dated for a couple more years and then at the age of 20 I broke up with him and moved back to Tampa to live with my dad. I pushed down my abortion and thought of it as part of my past. I was in a different city where nobody knew – I would just forget it ever happened.
Over the next several years I was in and out of relationships – always looking for a man to fill me and essentially be my god. At the age of 27, after being invited to church by my roommate several months before and nursing another broken heart by a man who failed to be my god, I surrendered my heart and life to Jesus. Immediately, I knew I was a new person. I had an unexplainable joy and loved reading the Bible and being in church around other Christians.
At the age of 30 I married my husband and our first son would be born just a few months later. I loved my new life and learning that God had a plan and purpose for my life, so I set about trying to figure out what it was. I had heard from a pastor that I listened to on the radio that often God will use the thing that has brought you the most pain in your life to be the platform for your ministry. I started thinking of all the hard things that I had been through and started making a list (there were kind of a lot) but the one thing that I would not write down was my abortion. In fact, I would just write the letter “A” and then voice out loud, “You will never use that.” Never say never to God.
Skip ahead 13 years. I had three sons. They were 6, 9 and 12 years old. And, for a lot of different reasons, my marriage was falling apart. To the outsider everything probably looked fine. My husband and I both served in church. I was involved in missions and eventually would be on staff as an assistant in the church office. I had a couple of good friends who were very involved in the pro-life ministry at our church. I would plan the Walk for Life with them and participate in functions with them, all the while feeling like the biggest hypocrite – knowing that I had this terrible secret. I could not even begin to think about telling even my closest friends because of the guilt, shame, and regret I now felt about that choice I had made 27 years before.
But God was ever speaking to my heart on this matter. He wanted me to start talking about my abortion. But why? What good would that do anyway? Because the truth is always better than a lie, and women need to know the truth about abortion. I remember praying one day to God with my Bible open on the floor by my dining room table and telling God, “I just can’t do it – I’m too ashamed.” He brought a verse to my mind that has since become my life’s ministry verse. “Those who look to Him are radiant; their faces are never covered with shame.” (Psalm 34:5) By not telling people about my abortion I was also essentially saying that there was something that God could not forgive, that there was something that the blood of Jesus did not cover, and that there was a sin that could not be nailed to the Cross of Calvary. And that, my friends, is a lie from the pit of Hell.
The Bible says that we all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God, that there is none who are righteous – no, not one. And that while we were yet sinners – Christ died for us. Do you know what that means? God even forgives women who have had abortions.
Abortion. One of the most grievous sins of our time. Taking the life of an unborn child. Some would even call this murder. It’s really just semantics, isn’t it? Nobody wants to be called a murderer, but we had a child within us and, because of our choice, that child died. That’s tough. But I submit to you that I and other women who have had abortions have been deceived. They are deceived by a culture that tells us that it’s not a baby, that it’s just a clump of cells, that it’s just tissue, that it does not feel pain. And most recently that it’s their right to choose whether or not they reproduce. I have said it before and will say it again. Only Satan himself could be behind a movement that has women championing for the destruction of their own children. God help us!
But back to this murder thing. How can God forgive and even use a woman that has chosen to end the life of her own child? Well, how could God use Moses? He was a murderer. And what about David? Again a murderer (and an adulterer). And the Apostle Paul, arguably the greatest apostle? Again, a murderer, of Christians no less. So why would the Sovereign Ruler of the Universe use these men? Under the inspiration of the Holy Spirit these men wrote half of the Bible. Moses received the Ten Commandments from God Himself and was used to lead a captive Israel out of Egypt. King David was called a man after God’s own heart. Paul wrote 22 books of the New Testament and suffered greatly for the sake of the Gospel. Why would God use these men? Because, my friend, if they qualify – YOU qualify. And I qualify. And EVERY woman who has ever had an abortion qualifies for the love, mercy, forgiveness, healing, restoration, and usefulness in the Kingdom of our loving Father through faith in Jesus Christ. You might not even be a Christian reading this, but you better say Amen anyway! Because that is the good news of the Gospel!
But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our sins, the punishment that brought us peace was upon him, and by his wounds we are healed. Isaiah 53:5.
My name is Kim Gilio and as a 17-year-old girl I had an abortion that ended the life of my first born child. This choice brought me great shame, guilt, and regret. But at the age of 27 I surrendered my life to Jesus and asked Him to forgive me and take control of my life. Seventeen years after that I FINALLY gave Jesus my shame, guilt, and regret and now I am Silent No More.
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