I speak today on something personal and dear to my heart—abortion.  This is my story and God's story of redemption and freedom through the cross. 

I was single, age 25.  At the time of my abortion, I felt overwhelmed, confused, alone, sad, and afraid. I had just found out the day before I was pregnant.  I was pressured on the phone to come the next day.  The abortion clinic said I could just put the past behind me. The pregnancy was unexpected, and I didn't know how to deal with the "how can I's", the judgement of people, or questions.  I wanted out of the relationship, not trapped in it, and I had no support system in place. 

Abortion felt like a way out, like a relief--or so I thought.  I thought I could just return to life as usual, hiding the secret as if nothing ever happened--or so I thought. They said it was a blob of tissue, when in reality it was a person with a heartbeat, its own unique DNA, and the ability to feel pain. I never had an ultrasound.  No one warned me about the psychological scars, emotional pain, guilt, shame, and regret down the road, or the medical risks.  No one explained the procedure or seemed to care about my emotional state. Abortion became the silent killer inside me with deep wounds and scars--hidden in secret and denial.  Who would listen or care for that matter?  Food became my coping mechanism, then eating disorders. I convinced myself I was okay but wasn't.

One Sunday, seven years ago a women shared about her abortion and God's healing. My denial broke and I no longer felt alone. I could not forgive myself and ran. Thankfully, we serve a faithful God who is determined to chase after us and not give up.  I experienced God's comfort, healing, and forgiveness through a Bible study.  What was most powerful was the "forgiveness ceremony"- where I named the baby, giving that baby honor and dignity. As my baby was released to my loving father, Jesus, all shame and guilt were forever removed through what Jesus did on the cross for me. Though I will always regret my choice, it no longer has power over me, and Satan no longer has me bound. I wait with anticipation to meet that person I have never met. Part of my healing to make it complete was to tell my husband and my teenagers and share my story before the church congregation.  As I stepped down from sharing that Sunday, my healing felt complete. The truth is stronger than the lie.

I am so thankful that I have Jesus as my good father who forgives entirely, heals deeply, and restores completely. I am thankful that God no longer looks at who I was, but rather who I have become. God never meant for anyone to carry the pain of abortion in secret, it may be painful to uproot and deal with, but I can assure you taking it to Jesus and the cross is well worth the freedom and forgiveness that comes as a result. I am living proof and can no longer be silent. 

My compassion for women and men wounded and broken by abortion is sometimes overwhelming.  I want the modern day holocaust around me to stop, not only for the unborn babies but also for the moms who need to know and experience that there is a Jesus in the 21st century who makes beauty from ashes and sets captives free, and that I am one of them!  How will others know and hear the truth if someone doesn't speak out and tell them?