I wanted my baby but had an abortion because I was on the
verge of being evicted, a single mom of a five and two year old, and the father
made it clear he did not want the baby. We weren't in a committed relationship,
and I felt like I would hinder his future if I kept it.
At the clinic they pretended to care and say it was about "women's
rights.” I went to the first appointment with him by my side, had an ultrasound,
and saw my 10 week old baby's heartbeat. I tried to act so strong, but on the
inside I was so devastated.
A week later I went back for the procedure, riding down the
street, not looking at the protesters’ signs.
As we entered the protesters screamed and begged me not to go in, but
the father pushed me along, saying that they were crazy. But they were speaking the truth. I was sad but still went through with it.
After he paid for the abortion they took me into a procedure
room and told me to undress. I was then
sedated and only remember the nurse rubbing my hand and glimpses of the doctor’s
face. They put me on my feet and walked me to the recovery room. There I started to feel empty, because I
realized that I killed my baby because everyone in my life thought it was best.
I have been battling depression since and cry all the time. I'm still dating the father, but I secretly
hate what he made me do. I'm currently
finding forgiveness through praying to God.
I still feel shame because it’s still fresh, but I am silent no more.