I grew up near a small rural community in Saskatchewan. My parents separated when I was 13. My mother passed away when I was 14. My dad was depressed and unable to parent properly. He was hardly ever home. I turned to alcohol to numb the pain. At 19, even though using contraceptives, I became pregnant. I went to a doctor who was very pro-abortion. She said, “You’re kind of a party girl, just have an abortion.”  She said that at nine weeks of gestation my child was little more than a sprouted wheat seed. Surely she knew more than that about fetal development!

What I really needed from her was the truth, that already there was a heartbeat and little fingers and toes. That people develop very quickly! I have no idea if she really thought that she was helping me or was doing some social engineering or was politically motivated. What I do know is that I needed to know the truth in order to make an informed decision. Doctors should deal in medical facts and not peddle their political beliefs. It does not respect women when you withhold information. Again, how can you make an informed choice without accurate information?

After the abortion my addictive behavior became much worse. I married the father of the aborted child, and we had our first child exactly a year to the due date of the aborted child. I had great difficulty bonding properly with my first child, which of course has affected his life! My husband and I both suffered with guilt, shame, depression and serious addictions for 10 years, avoiding all talk of abortion.

Someone shared their Christian faith with my husband and me and, in searching for truth, we came face to face with what abortion was and is! I had to have an ultrasound in 1985 because I was in danger of miscarrying our daughter. She was at nine weeks of gestation. We saw for ourselves that at nine weeks she was a little person just needing to develop and very much alive. I was able to carry her to term, but we realized at the same time that what we really had done in choosing abortion was to destroy the life of our first child. The truth hurts but can also lead to healing broken hearts.

I attended a Rachel's Vineyard retreat in 2007 and found healing and restoration from the depression, shame, and guilt in my life. Today, I am a part of a Rachel's Vineyard team in Saskatchewan.