On January 10th, 42 years ago, I participated in the abortion of my son at Planned parenthood in St. Louis Mo. I was only 17, when I learned that my girlfriend was pregnant. We were stunned, and things happened very quickly.

I should have been responsible enough to know better, to protect my unborn son and the mother of my child from a horrible, misguided, irreversible choice.

Today I would do anything; give up anything to have that choice back, to have had the courage to say, NO.  Instead, I said nothing.  I was afraid, timid, ashamed, and silent. 

I’ll never forget that cold day. Linda and I rode in her family’s suburban with her mother to Planned Parenthood to destroy our child.  The drab clinic was filled with downcast and solemn people, no eye contact, no compassion, and no consultation for the father and grandmother of the baby about to be killed. During the procedure, I remember feeling numb and helpless in that waiting room. I felt no freedom of choice and no empowerment. I was required to pay cash for the women’s reproductive healthcare of aborting my child.

After we left the abortion mill, there was a deafening silence about that day. It was not spoken of again. Amazingly, God blessed us with Marriage 5 years later.   But she suffered from the buried guilt of her lost motherhood, the life that had been sucked away and forgotten by everyone else, but not her. I now understand and believe that a woman’s love for her child is stamped in her heart by God. Her baby cannot be ripped away without devastating and permanent consequences. That wound is forever. Planned Parenthood, that was NOT health care, nor a reproductive right.

In Gods mercy, we found repentance and reconciliation 14 years ago through an amazing weekend retreat called Rachel’s Vineyard, and we were able to forgive ourselves.

The pain of my lost fatherhood remains with me every day. But, I want to speak to the men, - there is help and healing available. Today, through God’s grace, through His unimaginable mercy and forgiveness, I live with joy and peace.  And THAT is why I can be silent no more, 

Thank you, and God bless you for being here.