This is my story to becoming prolife.  I had gone to church my whole life, and I knew in my heart of hearts that God wanted to use me in the missionary field. 

I was in a new relationship for only two months and found myself pregnant at 22.  I told him I was scared but never thought about an abortion.   I prayed and God told me He would take care of me.  I realized right away I was pregnant at four weeks along.  My boyfriend lived in Wilmington two hours away from me, and I lived in Charleston out of town, as well away from my family.  I was 22 and starting out on my own, trying to figure out the calling for my life.  

My boyfriend and I had previously discussed not telling anyone until we saw each other to talk more.  When he arrived he had me talk to his mom over the phone, and she proceeded to pressure me to have an abortion.  She told me her son was in medical school and did not have insurance, that I did not have insurance, and that this was a burden for everyone.  She also said that she had had an abortion and that I could always have another child.  She told me not to tell her son, because he did not know about her abortion.  She said abortion was legal and lots of women have them.  I was confused and scared, took her word, and did not call my parents to talk to them.  It was a secret, and I planned to keep it that way, even though my boyfriend did not support me wanting to keep my baby.   

I followed through with the abortion by calling a “clinic” from the yellow pages, because we did not have internet or smartphone.  They did blood work, because the pregnancy test was not showing I was expecting.  They told me I had to wait two weeks because I was too early. 

When we got to the clinic I remember seeing prolife advocates, but I could not hear what they were saying.  We walked in, and I was given a pill to take.  Then I waited for what seemed like hours.  They called me back, and I could see the ultrasound on the screen, but I could not make out what was on it.  They took me to another room.  Then the doctor came in and performed the abortion.  It was very, very painful.  The room was very cold and silent.  I was very scared, and he asked me how I was doing.  I said, “Fine,” with tears rolling down my cheeks.  But I was not fine.  I came off the table a completely different person. 

I was crying, and I could not stop crying, and all the women in the recovery room, about 10-15 women, all looked terrified and sad.  No one was there to support or help me.  Everyone was sitting there in silence, looking straight ahead.  I walked out in tears.  

I regretted my abortion immediately.  The feelings of sadness, despair, shame, guilt, and anger set in.  The separation from God seemed to happen right away as well.  I was mad at myself for trusting the woman who had led me down this path, knowing what I knew now.  I was mad at myself for not standing up for what God had told me.  I knew it to be a procedure and that was all.  I understood it to be tissue unformed.  But then the anger set in.  How could another woman tell someone it was just a “procedure”?  I was not the same naturally happy person I once was.  I used alcohol to cope.  The relationship ended and, ten years later, God gave me two little boys, 23 months apart.  They are my peace and joy, the loves of my life.  I will love and protect them with my life.

In those ten years before God gave me my two precious boys, I revisited and relived that day in my heart over and over again.  The unworthiness I felt in my heart led to each failed relationship. 

But the Lord made a way for me to connect with someone who taught a Bible study called Forgiven and Set Free, and it changed my life!  And now I’m on a mission to make people happy and inspire billions.  I’m silent no more!  I am woman, hear me roar!  I was sad and covered it with every fig leaf Satan would give me, which caused every relationship to fail.  I went through Forgiven and Set Free and discovered my mission, and, because of that, my life is changed forever.  What the enemy had been using to destroy me God has turned into my testimony.  I am forgiven and set free by Jesus Christ.  I realized through the Bible study that I had not forgiven myself for the abortion!  I knew God had forgiven me, but it was a revelation that I had not forgiven myself!  Through Forgiven and Set Free, I also realized that Satan never had a chance to touch my daughter; she went straight to heaven and has been dancing with Jesus her entire life.  She has never known sadness and has always been in complete harmony.  She loves me and has been watching over me and her brothers. Now it’s my purpose, my calling, to make people happy and inspire billions.