I had my first abortion at 17. I was pressured into it by my boyfriend and his father and was too scared to be alone with a baby. I was pro-life and wanted to keep my baby. I knew human development and they tried to convince me it was just cells. I failed my baby and felt like such a coward.
During the procedure I was awake, and it hurt…I remember a weird smell and the sound of the machine and was told to stop crying. There was no compassion.
Immediately afterwards I regretted it and was praying to God to forgive me and let me have my baby back.
It changed me afterwards and I was numb. I ended up having two more abortions before I was 20 and can’t remember anything about them. It changed me tremendously.
I buried it for 31 years and just finally forgave myself a month ago after a year of counseling for PTSD, depression and anxiety. I also joined “Surrendering the Secret” Bible study, which ultimately freed me from the cross I carried, and I accepted God’s grace and forgave myself.
I want to honor my babies and encourage all girls and women out there to not make the same mistake which is why I am Silent No More.