My name is Deborah, and I grew up in Washington, D.C. In 1973 my parents participated in a rally on these very steps to applaud the “victory” of Roe vs. Wade.
I was a pregnant atheist in 1977 when my fiancé and I bought into the dogma that pregnancy was a choice. I had my abortion just a few blocks from here. My most vivid memory was the coldness and the sterile smell. The so-called counselor did not offer of post-abortive counseling or adoption. It all centered on money and getting to the next patient. The pain during the abortion was terrible and the nurse said, “Pregnancy and childbirth are much worse”.
I stayed in a fetal position, weeping, for the next 24 hours. I knew what I had done was murder. I married my fiancé and, true to the statistics, our marriage failed. I then began many years of psychotherapy and suicidal thoughts.
In 1984 I went to a Planned Parenthood Clinic for my next abortion. I was escorted inside, passing the Pro-Life advocates. I felt hollow, and I started self-medicating. On one occasion I pondered suicide with a shotgun on my lap. Fortunately, I couldn't load it, and God saved my life.
Eventually, I married again and had two beautiful children, but I assumed God would never forgive an atheist with 2 abortions. Then I visited the oldest Catholic Mission in the Southwest. Alone in this adobe church, I heard God's voice say to me, “I forgave you a long time ago; now I want you to walk with me.” Then my 4-year-old son said, “It's okay mommy, Jesus is listening.” I gave my heart to my Savior, Jesus Christ and I've been walking with Him ever since.
Since then, I have found real understanding of post-abortive stress, and its impact in my life. Through Anglicans for Life I learned of Rachel's Vineyard and the healing there.
So, today, I stand on the same steps my parents did 46 years ago and tell you I found forgiveness through faith in Jesus Christ. Today my voice rejects the generational blood guilt of my family, and that is why “I'm Silent No More.”