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Healing the Shockwaves of Abortion
 

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Do You Regret Your Abortion or Your Lost Fatherhood? By filling in the form below you can add your expression of regret to our list. All information remains confidential and is presented anonymously


 
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Dehumanizing
Irene
California, United States

Hello. My name is Irene and I'm the regional coordinator in Los Angeles. I'm here today to tell you that abortion is not a quick fix, but instead a lifetime of consequences. 17 years ago I was in a crisis pregnancy. I was scared, confused, and I felt alone. When I walked into that abortion clinic, I immediately felt like I was part of a herd with a number on my back and a dollar sign on my face. The abortionist administered the chemicals into my stomach and immediately my daughter started kicking, twisting, and turning. She was fighting for her life. You see, I was six months pregnant when I decided to end the life of my daughter. That is a multi-day procedure. The first day they injected me and it stopped her heart. I was absolutely horrified. They put me in a cold room on a table and the abortionist said, "Oh, don't worry. It's not a big deal."

That was the biggest lie I've ever heard in my life. After she quickly injected my stomach, they put me in another room where all women...Several women, about 15 of us were laid on our own beds on the side, everybody was quiet. Everybody was crying. I could see their tears falling from their eyes and I said, "Oh my God, what did I do?" Because I actually felt my daughter fight for her life. I said, "Oh my God, what did I do? Please forgive me." They told me to come back the next day, when instead I went to a local labor and delivery department. Initially, the doctor told me that my baby was going to be okay. It was a healthy heartbeat, he said, that we were hearing over the monitor. But a few hours later after consulting with a specialist they said that the chemical they injected me would deteriorate my daughter's heart and there was nothing I could do about it.

The next day, they induced my labor and after seven hours of labor I gave birth to a beautiful, yet lifeless daughter named Lenore. I held her, I caressed her. I wrapped her up like you do newborn babies and she looked exactly like a newborn baby. She was just smaller. She was the size of my hand. She was just so beautiful. I touched each of her fingers and played with each of her toes and my family got to spend some time with her. Then the nurse walked in and said it's time for her to go. I gave her a kiss and I said, "Until we meet again. Mom's sorry." I was just confused and hurt. I didn't know what else to do. A few days later, we had a funeral for her. She's buried at a local cemetery. I thought I would never talk about this. It was going to be my little secret. Until proposition of parental notification didn't pass and I have six daughters. I said, "Oh my God, you mean to tell me my 13 year old daughter can get an abortion without me knowing about it?"  That makes absolutely no sense. They have a hard enough time picking out what they're going to wear in the morning. They cannot go through the experience that I went through and me not know about it. 

It was at that time that I decided that I needed to do something. I needed to speak the truth, to tell the truth about abortion, that women deserve better than abortion. It is not liberating. It is absolutely humiliating, embarrassing, degrading. I had to tell my seven children, my son that the same mother he knew that was overprotective of him, that loved him, that nurtured him, was the same mother that ended the life of their sister, was the same mother that ever stopped them from playing with or bonding with her. This court has a history of dehumanizing an entire population. They were wrong in the Dred Scott decision and they are wrong now. That is why I am silent no more.

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