Hello, my name is Saundra Decker and abortion hurt me.

There I was, the newly crowned 1987 Miss West Virginia, signing autographs and being looked at as a role model.  My light was shining so brightly.

But a year and a half later, I hung my head low and walked into an abortion facility in Dallas, Texas only to have my first child ripped from my body.

I remember thinking that this would fix what I thought was a huge mistake.  I remember thinking “it’s legal” so it must be ok.  I believed the lie that if I had this done early enough, it wouldn’t be a baby yet.  

I wasn’t presented with any choices, I was only told that it would be $300 and that they could get me in right away.

That day… the light that I had been shining so brightly… extinguished.

I shoved what I had done down as deeply as possible, but the consequences came on like wildfire.  I started binge eating, and I had terrifying nightmares. I closed myself off from all relationships. My self-esteem was at its lowest. I avoided babies… couldn’t even bear to look at them.  And I knew in the deepest place in my heart that I would never be worthy of becoming a mother.  I couldn’t even mutter the word ‘abortion’.

I entered into an emotionally and verbally abusive marriage.   When I became pregnant a few months after we married, and my husband didn’t want children yet, I allowed him to make the decision to abort my second baby.   

I struggled even more.  Promiscuity, partying, and working obsessively were all the ways I tried to hide the pain.  But anger raged inside of me toward my husband, myself and everyone around me.  Our marriage ended in divorce. 

After 20 years of carrying the pain of abortion, I shared my story with my current husband… He told me that God would forgive me. That opened the door for me to go through the post abortion healing study, Forgiven and Set Free.  It was difficult for me to believe, but it’s true! Jesus Christ died a horrible death on the cross to forgive me!  And he can forgive you, too, if you are carrying the pain of abortion.  My savior is the only reason that I can stand here today to share my story with you.