I was 20 years old and dating the man that I would marry at 22.  I had never had sex before, he was my first and I got pregnant.  I knew we were going to get married and I felt excited about the baby, but he had some type of hold over me, it was a very toxic relationship.  He made me feel as if I had to have an abortion.  I felt numb, I had to go to the abortion clinic by myself and I will never forget how scared I was and the pain I felt that day. 

There was no remorse from him, I was in such a daze, it was horrible.  I ended up marrying this man, I don’t know why, he cheated on me our whole 13 years of marriage.  I have two grown children from that marriage and they are amazing.  I ended up telling them about the abortion.  I wanted them to know about the situation I was in.  

Their father is not in their life very much as you can imagine, I have always been a constant.  I just can’t seem to forgive myself and sometimes I have a dream that there is a little girl when I get to Heaven and she’s hugging me and says why did you kill me? 

I am now 53-years old and I still struggle with this.  I am hoping to help some girl somewhere to not go through the kind of pain that I have endured over the years, however I know it is my penance.