I had 2 abortions in the early 1970's. My boyfriend did not want to be married, and I believed that if my parents found out it would kill them. I went to New York for both abortions, because at that time it was only legal in New York and California.

I remember the procedure itself and feeling very removed from my body. I stayed in a hotel after the second abortion, and I was freezing and had chills all night, but there was nothing wrong with the heat. It was a sensation that would return again over the years. The next day on the bus home I cried out to the God: “Never ever let me do this again.”

But I did get pregnant again.  It does not make sense, but I kept wanting to put those babies back in my womb.  This time I moved to San Francisco, and my son was adopted there.

For years I struggled to make something of my life.  I married and had another son and step son, but I still was not happy.  An astute counselor thought it might be because of my abortions, but I did not want to go there.  I worked to be the perfect wife, mother, and employee, but still I fought constantly with depression and thoughts of suicide.

Then I trained to be a pregnancy center volunteer.  I was told that I needed to attend a post abortion Bible study before I could work with clients. I thank God they made that rule!  Through this Bible study I finally began to see how the abortions had affected me. I let myself feel the incredible grief I had for my babies, and I saw how my relationships with my husband and children were damaged.  The truth that Jesus paid the price with His blood began to be real to me, and I accepted His complete forgiveness and restoration. I know now that my babies are with Jesus in heaven. 

I don’t feel that chilled sensation any more.  And now I know that His purpose for me is to lead others to healing. God's restoration is available to everyone who has been part of an abortion.  And it is for them that I will be SILENT NO MORE!