Finally, Post Abortion Stress Syndrome Exposed

  Betty
North Carolina,  United States
 
 

I have had three abortions.  Each one was traumatic.  The first one - 1969, the second in 1978, and the third in 1987.  I seriously regret each and every one with every fiber of my being.  Why?

Well, I am grateful that you were led to this web-site because I want to explain the best I know how, why I regret 3 abortions.

Each abortion contributed to ill-emotional-mental health and eventually 17 years of ill-physical health.  The abortion experiences also affected my marriage relationships.  I've had three divorces.

Here is my story:  I was sexually active with my boyfriend in 1969.  When I got pregnant, I remembered what a girl told me - "hey - if your get pregnant, just get an abortion."  It was the thing to do in Northern California at the time.  In 1963, I fell smack-dab into the subculture of the sexual revolution.   There was a "do it if it feels good" attitude in society, and of course abortion was legal.  There was "anti-establishment" as it were; anti-authority attitude lingering in the dark holes of our war-weary society.  God was no longer allowed in our schools when I was 13 years old (1963).  The message of "free-love," "love child," "party hardy," "flower children," did not help me at all.  All of the above mentioned was a dead-end story.  It was the "me generation."

I was addicted to being in love, and I was hungry for a man's attention.  It wasn't drugs or alcohol, just the true love of a man that I focused my life on.

After my abortion, I married the man who got me pregnant and we divorces six years later.  By this time, I asked what really is the thing called LOVE?  I was very insecure, and my self-worth was near zero, and I was so ripe for Planned Parenthood

They convinced me my baby was a "blob of tissue" and that the procedure was called D&C.  This stood for "dusting and cleaning."  So simple - nothing to it.  The experience was a horrible 2-day stay at a County hospital, and I still have flash-backs whenever I'm in a bathroom, a doctor's office or an elevator, with a florescent light overhead.

The second abortion experience was not better.  I was so scared and so sick.  It was over in fifteen minutes.  My boyfriend who had wanted to marry me and have a baby took me home and I never saw him again.  Fear and anger was becoming a permanent fixture in my psyche.  This time the professional staff at Planned Parenthood who supposedly had my best interest at heart, told me that when I see the psychologist at the hospital to act mentally incompetent to withstand the pregnancy.  I was to cry a lot and then they would probably give me an abortion.  At this time I still believed my baby was a "blob of tissue."  Remember, this was all about ME - and this "problem" in my womb.  At this point there was no turning back; I wanted the problem gone.  The man I loved was gone.  Of course, I was crushed.  I found out later he was a man that with women "you love 'em and leave 'em."

The third abortion was unbelievably hard on my psyche.  I was a Christian by now, but was still so driven to find the man who would take care of me (and my three boys).  I went on a date, watching TV at his house.  We watched "Never-Ending Story." (how ironic!)  His little girl and my little boy fell asleep on the floor.  I laid down on this man's couch, very tired.  (I had gotten fibromyalgia and relentless fatigue at this time)  To make a long story short, my psychologist told me it was date rape.

OK!  Now I was pregnant - now what?  This man did not claim responsibility at first, but in a subsequent conversation he agreed to pay for one-half the abortion.  The Women's Health Clinic (the sign should have read "unhealthy clinic") was right across the road from my apartment.  How convenient!   I am so glad to report to you that now this clinic is no longer there!

The abortionist gave me a shot of something and sent me home.  I felt my baby die all night long! Cramping and more cramping, then violent cramping for 8 hours straight.  When I went back the next day I was sedated then had a D&C.  My baby was dead.

After 17 years of suffering from anxiety, low self esteem, physical pain and suffering, a myriad of symptoms including panic attacks, short term memory loss, brain fog, debilitating fatigue, shattered dreams, suicidal depression and prisoner-like loneliness.  I am now even still mending.

To illustrate God's grace: I found out that, from the time I walked into the Pregnancy Crisis Center for financial direction in 1987, until I came back to the same Center in 1994, for post-abortion counsel - was exactly seven years to the day.  Those were the sometimes suicidal depression days.  I could not for the life of me figure out what I was depressed about until I went through the P.A.C.E. program.  Then I finally understood why.

Seven years later, I became even more free when the prophecy I received from my pastor came true.  I had been in a cocoon-like state, always fearing people; even in church.  As the prophesy message said - no one person brought me out of it; it just happened.  Two days before the prophecy, I had an urging to by this beautiful silver butterfly pin that sparkled and fluttered!

I thank our dear Lord for the "Silent No More" Campaign and Rachel's Vineyard.  I am very impressed and excited for what I've seen and continue to see on Father Pavone's show on EWTN.  I know that my Jonathan, Amy, and Chelsea are with Jesus.  They will never suffer again.

I cried out as David did in the 51st Psalm, "have mercy on me God in your goodness, in your abundant compassion blot out my offense.  Wash away all my guilt; from my sin cleanse me.  12- A clean heart create for me God; renew in me a steadfast spirit.  Restore my joy in your salvation; sustain in me a willing heart. 19- My sacrifice, God, is a broken spirit."

God bless al my sisters and their men who have gone through the abortion experience and may they find God's mercy and peace.  May legalized abortion become just a faded dark memory in the PAST.

   
   
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